No wonder few people bother to stop by.Earlier this week I finished six projects in as many days. Now there is nothing in the queue until the 23rd. I'm left with a lot of free time and it's hard to keep from being bored. It's summer and I can't stand to be indoors. The last place I want to be is sitting at a computer. So, the blog suffers.
I fill my days will a lot of exercise, including at least one hour in the pool swimming laps every weekday, and at least four miles of walking every day. I've shed about 45 pounds over the past year, and I need to lose another 25, which I'd love to accomplish by the end of 2009. I'm sick of being fat and I am driven to get rid of it. I need to be constantly moving.
All that exercise is helping me emotionally too. I'm committed to managing my depression without medication. That's a tall order. It's an even taller order when life deals you a hard blow.
I don't want to talk about it, but something horrible happened last month. The fallout is that we were trying to have a baby and now we are not. My marriage has been under some strain as a result.
We're going to be fine. Everyone is okay.
In the meantime, I'm just trying to make sense of everything. I've kind of checked-out emotionally and mentally. I've been closed off, inside my thoughts. I'm the kind of person who needs to process everything. And while all that is going on I've been too vulnerable to let anyone in, even my wife. That's what's been so hard.
I'll snap out of it, and sooner as opposed to later. In the meantime, I'll just keep on moving.
16 comments:
Hugs to all of you...I really admire how hard you are working to get fit and lose weight. I'd say you'll have that last 25 pounds off before the end of the year at the rate you're going.
Kudos on the weight loss and exercise and hoping things settle quickly and smoothly.
If only we can predict where life takes us like a well-built statistical model.... Best of luck with all of it.
Hang in there, honey. Exercise is probably the very best thing you can do for yourself to alleviate stress. Well, that and drinking. But, I'd stay with the exercise.
Bravura to moving and the net results, less weight, more fit.
Sending positive vibes to you and yours.
Peace.
That's some impressive weight loss! Give yourself credit for that.
I know exactly what you mean about processing. My method for processing is internal and my girlfriend's is out loud. Fortunately for her I am a good listener. But, it bugs her a LOT that I don't share every thought with her. I can't. It's just not my way.
Everything circles back around. Keep yourself centered and breathing.
*hugs*
I'm sorry to hear about the blow you and Courtney have had.
I also wanted to let you know that I read every post, but I do so in my Google Reader so it probably doesn't show up in your site meter!
Sending good vibes and best wishes.
just so you know... i am still comin' by.
tho i have been on a break too.
so - we'll just enjoy the summer.
Thanks Ting & Jen. The last pounds are the hardest.
Zuhn: No shit!! I'm in the predicting business. There's mathematical formula for everything, except when it comes to ME.
Syd sister: I suck at drinking, so I'm stuck with exercise. Truth be told, it's exorcism. I'm sweating away my demons.
TOD: Peace to you too. I think I'm headed in that direction. Peace is a good place to be.
E: Impressive? Thanks but no thanks. It's fucking embarrassing that I let myself get that fat.
Val, I even suck at reading blogs. It's so bad that I'm afraid to open bloglines.
Weese: How do you like working from home?
You are not fat!
Sorry to say this, but maybe the meds were doing some good for the mood. Have you considered going back on some?
Guy, I'm feeling better than I've felt in a long, long, time. I'm not going back on that shit unless I get suicidal or homicidal.
Wow, great going on the exercise, keep that going and you'll drop what you want and more. Well done.
Shoot...now I feel like I should be moving and not sitting here...dang.
It's very hard to lose the weight, be proud of yourself! I admire you for doing that much exercise every day. Better for you than drinking! :) The final pounds will drop off, just be patient.
I have you on bloglines so I see you when you post. Just take time for what you need when you need it. Breaks can be a good thing.
I care. {{{{ }}}}
LMC, Weyrd1: I want the legs of a swimmer and the arms of a boxer. An oldie like me can dream, eh?
Thanks PF. It's only recently that I've gone to a full-court-press on the exercise thing. For a while there I was too sick all the time to even take a short walk. Now that I can eat again I just want to be moving. I had a five month stretch over winter and spring where I was a couch potato most days. Just didn't feel well. All that seems to be over, knock on wood.
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