Cluster Fuck.I don't know a better description for what happened to the Trop family this morning.
Our best friend in the world, Eleanor, who stood for Courtney when Court and I married, found a new church she really likes. She'd been looking for a long time. We were curious. She felt strongly that we would be welcome there as a family. So, because we love and respect Eleanor, and we enjoy time spent with her, we said we'd check it out some Sunday.
Today was our first opportunity to check it out, so check it out we did.
Personally, from the moment we sat down, I felt it was a mistake for me to be there. With the exception of when my friend Tina's daughter died and I went to the funeral, I haven't set foot in a Christian church in over six years. As I sat down and looked around I realized I am too far divorced from the Christianity of my upbringing to believe in it, let alone practice it.
I felt sad to be there. I really envy people of faith; so many times I've wished I could be like them. But I'm not like them. And that fills me with profound sadness. Amanda even caught me wiping a tear from my eye.
The cluster fuck happened during the sermon, when the minister mentioned homosexuality, the" love the sinner hate the sin" thing, what is and isn't a family, and the usual stuff we hear all the time. I started to cry.
No, I wept.
I was so hurt. Amanda, bless her, grabbed my hand and held on hard. Court held my other hand. Amanda offered to walk out with me. I couldn't move. I really didn't want to make a scene, but all I could do was weep for MY family; my family whom I love and who has been through so much lately.
I couldn't stop weeping. At one point I made a loud snort, and with that the whole church knew I was weeping. And Eleanor knew. She must have felt awful. When it finally came time for the last hymn, Eleanor grabbed my hand and led us all out the back of the church.
The minister ran after us. He grabbed me and I pushed him away. Eleanor told him what should have been obvious when we were introduced before the service. He came after me again, grabbed me and said "I had no idea you are a lesbian couple." I just looked at him and said, "We are a family." Then he started telling me what a sinner he used to be, how he committed adultery and was full of sin and how he didn't know happiness until he knew Christ. I told him I found happiness when I met Court and then broke his grip and went to my car.
It was awful.
I feel so bad for Eleanor. She must feel awful. And she must feel so disillusioned.
Like I said; it was a complete cluster fuck.
And if that isn't bad enough, it's 300 laps into the 400-lap Dover race, and Tony is a lap down, in 20th place. At least the Steelers won today.
21 comments:
Trop- I'm so sorry that happened to you. (((hugs)))
OMG. That totally sucks.
I don't know what else to say except that sucks.
Okay, so since I posted that last comment I've been thinking about this.
I think the minister is full of it, and not just because of his "message."
If your friend felt that you would be accepted there as a family, then I doubt that she has been to any services that had an anti-homosexual message. I assume if she had she wouldn't have asked you to come and assured you it would be okay. So what are the chances that the one time that you go with her, the minister speaks against homosexuality? And never before? And he didn't realize you were lesbians? Yeah, right. I don't buy it. I think he was lying through his teeth to you when he said he had "no idea."
Just my take on the matter.
Also, even though I know this was a horrible experience, I think it is great that you stood up for yourself and your family to him. I don't think I would've been on the ball enough to think the same. Would I have left? Yes. But when he confronted me I think I would have just turned and left or said something stupid. Good for you for that. And even though I'm sure the experience was rough for Amanda, she should be comforted by your words of love and devotion and proud of you.
I hope you are all doing okay this evening.
I'm with Valerie. I smell a rat. I am guessing that this minister saw his chance and took a dive.
Nothing infuriates me more than when some sanctimonious shithead decides to give me the "hate the sin, love the sinner" speech.
You and your family were all vulnerable anyway after what you have been through and then to just...kick you like that.
I hope that somewhere inside of himself his conscious is smarting.
I am SO SO sorry that you had to deal with that shit.
I don't even know what to say to this... except I'm so sorry and I'll be thinking about you and your family.
Hope your evening is a quiet, healing one spent with your family. The way it should be.
Oh. My. God. That is so awful and I am so, so sorry that happened to you today.
I'm very proud of you for standing up for yourself and your family.
Pompous asshole.. not just the love the sinner bs, but also saying what ISN'T a family? Who the hell does he think he is??!!?
(((Trop & Court & Amanda)))
Nony! It's good to "see" you my long-time friend.
I echo everyone else in saying I am so sorry that happened. I think I would have walked out.
The nerve of the minister to chase after you! And kudos to you for not popping him with a left hook.
I really don't think it should have mattered to this minister whether you were a couple or not... would he have 'said' something different in his sermon if he knew?
don't let it get to you.
its just not worth it.
I've been wondering the same thing myself, Weese.
I wish I could just shake it off. I don't know why I can't.
Pompous asshole is a COMPLETE understatement. I've never found a church that I feel completely accepting about... NEVER! My grandmother always insists that we accompany her to "her church" for special days... mother's day... and I'll never forget mother's day the year I was divorcing where, rather than honor mothers, the minister talked about the home and families... with "a husband and a wife", knowing that the congregation was diverse in that not every momma was happily married to the respective "father". It sucked!... and I can only imagine that this would have felt like a completely crushing experience for you, Court AND Amanda, but ya know what?... even with everything you... and your FAMILY.... are managing right now, I know that you are all strong and that you have a profound determination to persevere and make the most of life despite a few pompous assholes along the way. HUGS to you all!
I think, Trop, that the main reason you're still smarting is because of all the strain you've experienced recently. If things weren't so rough of late, I doubt you'd have had the same reaction.
Like most everyone else, I seriously doubt his denials and apologies. He is, like so many of his ilk, a condescending, small-minded fool whose conscience probably ISN'T smarting- but will get his in the end.
Hugs to all three of you.
Delurking just for a bit:
I'm really sorry your Sunday was so awful. Sometimes we have to just look past the messanger and see the message, which you did. Good for you!!! Someday I hope you can look past all modern day Christianity's Bullshit and remember that the real message is that God just asks us to Love and hey! your doing that too!!!
Blessed Be
Contrast our United Methodist experience with what happened at our Unitarian church yesterday. I am so grateful to our church for being a genuinely warm and welcoming place for us.
Though we were not there on Sunday, a friend of ours lit a candle for us during Joys & Concerns, and told the congregation of Amanda's hospitalization. Another friend, Barbara L-M, who was there and heard about Amanda's hospitalization, called us yesterday, about 30 minutes after we got home from our awful experience at the Methodist church. Amanda has stayed with the L-Ms twice when Court and I have gone out of town. They have a daughter two years younger than Amanda. Barbara called to show her concern and then offered to take Amanda to the Y for swimming next week after church. It is EXACTLY what Amanda needs right now--to be out with people and kids her age.
What a difference it makes to be loved and valued as a family by others. I don't understand how so many Christian churches can disown our families like they have. Why are they doing it, and doing it so forcefully?
Fear, perhaps? And the misguided notion that "their God" has a lock on what's right and all that?
I do not understand it, but I think there are a great many people who are so afraid of what's out there that they abdicate their ability to think for themselves and let their churches do it for them. I do not dismiss faith as insipid or unrealistic, but I DO dismiss religion when it (and its "emissaries") blindly spew stupidity and rhetoric.
I need to exercise this demon...
Dear Rev. H.,
I am writing to apologize for disrupting your church service on Sunday, September 23. Please believe that it was my intent to avoid a scene by remaining seated through the duration of your sermon. I was embarrassed by my weeping and didn't want to be seen, and chose to exit the church during the last hymn while the congregation was standing and my exit would be less obvious.
Our dear friend Eleanor spoke highly of Mead Memorial. I feel awful that of all the Sundays we could have visited the church, we happened to visit on this particular Sunday. I profoundly regret what happened. I am deeply saddened for my family, and for Eleanor and Manny. It's more than sadness I am feeling; I am stunned. I am grieving.
I'd like to impose on you and ask for your time. Specifically, I'd like you to read a few things that might help put into perspective, from my point of view, what happened yesterday.
The first is a talk I gave at my church for our annual This I Believe service (October 2006):
The second is a Letter to the Editor I wrote just before the 2006 election, when the Marshal-Newman amendment narrowly passed.
Third, this is what I wrote on my blog yesterday afternoon about what happened in your church on Sunday morning (I apologize for the explicit language). For what it's worth, I do not believe, as some of the comments have accused, that you purposefully talked about homosexuality because we were present yesterday.
And finally, I'd like you to go the extra mile and read a document I've attached, called Letter to Louise. I respectfully ask that you read it carefully, thoughtfully, and prayerfully.
Your church boasts a "warm heart," and I felt an abundance of warmth as Eleanor introduced us to you and several of your congregants. That abundance of warmth was undone by your sermon. Your actions yesterday, Rev. H., exposed your heart as quite cold toward millions of families like mine. The affirmative "Amens" I heard from congregants as you spoke turned that sweltering sanctuary into a cold, dark, uninviting place for me, for my wife, and our daughter. We certainly did not find sanctuary at MMUM yesterday. Your sermon made me profoundly sad, and that is why I wept.
I believe in hope. I will hope for warmth and healing: for me, for my wife and daughter, for Eleanor and Manny, and for you, Rev. H. and your congregation.
Respectfully and humbly,
Kim
Sanctimonious, fatuous, mean-spirited god-bag. GRRRRR.
((((Trop))))
Oh Trop, I'm so so sorry that happened to you guys. My heart breaks that you all experienced this on top of everything else.
Wow Trop..what a hell of a Sunday. I have been lurking here for ages, and often wanted to comment, but quite frankly I'm a techno-idiot, and so never did. But. Your experience this past Sunday just got me roiling. I think you handled it beautifully, and with more grace than many of us might have mustered, particularly after such a trying time for your family. And the post you wrote in the comments here to exorcise the experience is spot on.I hope that you, Court, and Amanda are able to put the 'Christian' experience behind you, and move forward in the loving manner that has stood you in such good stead.
My best wishes for you and your family, sempre e para sempre...
Thanks for de-lurking LD. And nobody can be a worse technotard than I am. Thanks for your support.
Post a Comment