Today my teen daughter prefaced a question to me with "If I ask you a question, will you give me an honest answer?""Yes" I said.
"When you were married to my dad, did you have an extra-marital affair?"
[gulp... I didn't see that coming]
"Yes" I said calmly. "Remember Pat, who visited us two times in San Diego?"
"The woman who hates you? The woman who was reading your email and who put that fake profile up on Planet Out claiming to be from East Jesus? Doesn't she stalk you in the Internet?"
"Yes" I confirmed. "I had an affair with her. It was wrong and I ended it with her. I've always regretted cheating on your father. It was a huge mistake--and I'm not saying that because Pat was so abusive. Your father deserved better."
[sigh]
I never wanted Amanda to know. I don't know what possessed her to ask. But I couldn't lie; not if I ever want her to be completely honest with me about difficult things, about big mistakes.
I guess I earned some "honesty capital" today. I could have done without it though.
6 comments:
Wow Trop-
You're a great Mom!
That was really brave.
Im a big chicken about talking to my daughter.
You are very brave and you should be proud that you were honest with such a tough question. I truly believe that one day Amanda will look back on this situation and be proud of the fact that you were honest with her.
I'd forgotten u were married when that happened. It does make one wonder what prompted her to ask that.
Points to u for being honest with her. I'm not so sure I could do the same if my kids asked me straight out about Alberto.
In the same situation, I would have told the truth. It's much harder to CYA the rest of your life.
I once asked my mom, "If a man has a mistress, does a woman have a mister." She started hiding her Harlequinn Romance novels after that.
That took guts but it says volumes about your relationship with your daughter....
And, god...YOU have a blog stalker too? Wanna hire a hit man with me?
It is my not at all scientific opinion that my son & daughter talk to me today because I told them truths, then.
Hard but the best (for me, only) way to go!
WTG!!!!
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